A few things

Since deciding to leave Oakland and move back to Champaign-Urbana, I've been reflecting a lot on what I came here to the Bay for. Like, what did I receive here? How has this place changed me? What have I done here that's changed me? How have I been changed by what I've given?

I keep not writing about it because I keep getting stuck at wanting to be comphrensive or have some conclusion to make. Today, the women at the nail salon in my neighborhood told me they'd miss seeing me. A few of them have kids in Oakland high schools, so we often chat about district politics when I'm there. One woman put her hand on my hand and kept it there when I told her my mom is dying. I keep having moments like this where I'm overwhelmingly grateful for my community here. 

I decided then to just write in the dribbles that it comes to me. Maybe later I'll see some grand unifying theory.

So here's a list of some stuff I love that I learned about in the Bay:

-- gel manicures and pedicures (and their restorative value)

-- shiatsu massage (and how it's most effective for me if I can do an appointment a week for three weeks)

-- açaí berries

-- hiking

-- deeper knowledge of the history of the Black Panther Party

-- Bikram yoga (noted: the man is rapey and steals other people's work)

-- smoking weed

-- steak fries

-- Ethiopian food

-- I don't love the wedding dress industry but I did learn about it and got trying beautiful wedding dresses on all out of my system without having to actually get married.

-- "Tell Me When to Go," "Blow the Whistle," and "Thizz Dance"

-- burritos al pastor

-- pork buns

-- going on strike

-- emergent strategy

-- prison abolition

-- Marshawn Lynch 

-- pomegranates, persimmons, dinosaur kale, and loquats

-- LED lights

-- outsider art

-- donut shops

-- the color of Redwood bark

-- pupusas

All this stuff makes my life better. 

summer bucket list

The WG asked me to write a summer bucket list, what I'd like to do in that 90 day period.  He wisely began his message with an acknowledgment of how the phrase "bucket list" is just harrible.

I'm gonna think about that.  I do love lists.  And I just got a car, so I gotta think of places to drive it.  (It kinda looks like my Nana's car.  I liked it way better when I remembered that.  And it's called "super white.")

One of the things that should be on my list is getting some dang writing done every once and a while.  I wish at least once a week that I had an extra hour to write something here.

Analytic Note #1

Jess sent me her list.  Lucky  means such different things to different people.  Must remember to be explicit about not defining it for future folks.

my lucky list

When I talked to Suzanne about her lucky list, she prompted me to parse out the differences between lucky and grateful and privilege and blessed and straight-up intuition.

So I used those as categories when I wrote my list.  Here it is:

LUCKY

Nobody made deliberately choices or put in purposeful effort to make these things work out the way they did.  They just did.  Coincidences that are awesome.

• Meeting Amanda through some listserv that Rebecca was on.
• Finding Joaquín on Craigslist.
• Rachel interviewing at UHS.
• Jessica and I going to IHOP that one time when we realized we were both staying in C-U after graduation.
• Nora finding my application in the SFUSD system.
• That Andrew and Raymond were at Esquire that one time when I got stood up.
• That I said “yes,” to Pete asking me if I was interested in tutoring in local schools with VIS-A-VIS on Quad Day 2008.
• That as a student-teacher I was assigned to Mike L.
• That I responded to that poorly designed job posting for the internship in Mobile.

GRATEFUL

Things that did not have to happen but did because someone in my life made the decision or did the work to make each of them happen.

• My parents stayed together.
• Michael sent me a new phone when mine got stolen.
• Scott suggested I take classes with Dr. Dyson. 
• Dr. Willis bringing me to LRA two years ago.
• Kasey inviting me out for that night with Amy.
• That I got to have Greg J. as a mentor early in my career.
• That Angi F. and Todd T. helped me learn what was what.
• That Moe always reminds me of that one picture of Jim Morrison I taped in her locker once that said, “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”  She is.
• Having had so many models of women leaders/bosses to mentor me.
• Elders.
• Spending so much time in Ireland as a kid.

PRIVILEGE

Things I have because I am White, non-disabled, straight, cisgendered, middle-class, American, Language-of-Wider-Communication-speaking, thin, young.

• That without a real job, I can manage.  That I can hang out in the lobby of the Hilton, using their free wifi and watching all the people there for conferences, and the security guards assume I belong.

BLESSED

Things that make me feel like "the world is very mysterious," like Bobbie told me.  These things freak me out and make me feel like stuff is purposeful and we are not in charge -- "more sacred, more broken, more salvageable than we know," like Ron says.

• NCF.
• My Bible Study at Glide.
• That I can write.
• That I went to India, even though it was mostly a crappier experience than I anticipated it would be.

INTUITION

Things that are because I listened to and trusted myself even though lots of times I don't.

• EJP.
• Becoming friends with the White Guy.
• Thanksgiving 2014 at Michael and Jackie’s with my family.

• Tammy booking an appointment at David’s Bridal right when I quit my job.
• Taking Dr. Mayo’s class.
• That Andrew wanted to check out churches with me.
• Hanging around Caleb long enough to get to read his book and be affirmed in my suspicious that he is so so great despite all the times I wanted to punch him when we worked together.  And just, I don't know, feeling somehow restored by that.
• That I took the job at UHS instead of moving to New Orleans.
• That on the day when J was saying he "couldn't" read Night, I said, "What's up," instead of just directing him back on task.

another list

I'm really slogging through this day.

I have a list SO LONG of shitty things I have to take care of, and it seems like every time I do one, it sprouts more shitty things for me to sort out.

Here's a list of things that I noticed didn't suck today:

1.  I talked to Willard on the phone.  About a former student of his, he told me, "She's a Republican, but she's a good person."  And then we both laughed so hard.

2.  I brought these two mugs to the laundromat.  For Christmas, Moe got me the one with a meerkat on it that says clit. "It's a meerkat!" she said.  Tammy gave me the Moscow mule mug; she had put it in her purse for me after I had admired it while drinking out of it at the bar by my parents' house.

3.  I listened to "Try A Little Tenderness" while I ate a sandwich.

4.  Rachel and Margaret both agreed that they've had enough of teaching White boy American lit at their respective teaching posts, and that they're just gonna "go quietly rogue."  (Rachel's always turning phrases that make you wanna stand up like, "go quietly rogue.") Also, resonating with Suzanne.  And a peek at Katie's kids' badass YPAR project on sexism at their school.  I really have some serious teacher-friends.  Thank goodness.

5.  My Mom.

6.  I like this sign at the Post Office.

not sure what the point of this is

Things what I like:

Watching/napping through Law and Order for several hours at a time

Bad black coffee

TJ Maxx and Marshalls

Buying picture books for my brothers’ kids

Reading long books
Earnestness

My brothers’ taste in sisters-in-law for me

The Indian pizza place at the bottom of the hill I live on

Wearing my slippers to the coffee shop in the morning

The owner of this coffee shop always telling me to take my shoes off the seat, but they’re slippers

My own handwriting

Watching the fiddle be played

Talking on FaceTime

Sitting really close on the couch to any family member

When Ricky Gervais farts on Karl Pilkington and then lays on the floor laughing starting at 17:51 in this video

Sending people packages

Gold

The Memorare

When people say “Word.” And ‘Word?”

Gendered insults for dudes (e.g. quit being such a dick)

Videos of my niece and nephews doing cool things

When my roommate says things are “fantastic,” but they don’t seem fantastic to me

All cheeses

The song they sing at the beginning of Glide services

Friendship bracelets
Eavesdropping

Things what I don’t like:

The smell of drool

ROSS

My hair being wet

Frozen peas

Mingling

Those Converse shoes that are high-tops but more like boots (Ew.)

Receiving/responding to (most) email and (all) voicemail

When things end

Flying

Running

This mustache trend with all the mustache shit everywhere

Gendered insults for women (e.g. what a bitch)

When my brothers send a thousand texts about sports when I’m trying to take a nap
When people say boring, obvious things and I have to act interested

highlights of my week:

1. Moe visited! And the highlight of this highlight was probably our pregaming Apples to Apples. That game. So dumb and yet so fun at the same time.

2. I went to see the school play and chatted during the intermission with an older man behind me who has as his goal to attend five plays a week. Holy shnikees, right? He strongly suggested that I see a play, the title of which escapes me, in which a man dies and then comes back to tell his wife how much he loves her. He also suggested that I think seriously about the impending danger of "that satellite" colliding with "something up there," thereby knocking out every computer in the country including cars. It would set our society back eighty years he guessed. According to his estimation, the cause of this doom is the terrible direction our country is taking what with the removal of religion from so many things.

3. So many of my students are now using textual proof to support their theses and are using correct MLA style when they do it. And they're doing it quite well.

4. Jess made red pesto ravioli for dinner last night.

I love having uber-smart friends.

As I was walking down the street on campus today, I ran into a guy I met last year when I was considering the Peace Corps. He was the recruiter then, and now he's a full-time grad student in journalism. We got to talking: he was asking me why I didn't go; I was telling him about my job. Then he wanted to know what kinds of things UHS was up to in terms of NCLB. Blah. blah, blah. He asked, "So what do you think of what the candidates are saying about education?" And I was thinking, "How much time do you have?"

Anyway, I should have referred him to Susan's latest post:

Tonight, one of the debate questions was about education reform, and I happen to be a professional in the field (still a bit weird) so I thought I'd make a list of reforms I find to be most pressing to the educational world (and ps John McCain- your claim that we have reached equality in education is bs. I'm calling you out on that).

1. Better continued professional development support for teachers: Education is a fast changing field as far as our understanding of what the students need, but a slow-changing reality in the classroom. A lot of this has to do with the continued professional support for teachers. Yes, there are people who are just bad and need to get out, but a lot of teachers were good and can be good again, they just need the updated training. I may be a good teacher now, but without continual support to get better, I can easily become a bad teacher.

2. A strategic plan for closing the achievement gap through early education and culturally relevant programs: The fact that there is an achievement gap makes me sick to my stomach. The fact that people ignore it makes me sicker. We need a specific plan for how we can close that and I think increasing early education to get kids the same opportunities from the start and culturally relevant so students can pick up the tools they need to learn any culture are two of the most important ways. (getting better measurements of achievement is another...)

3. A careful examination of the assessment tools used to measure standards in American children and the research about assessment: Standardized tests are not a valid measure of what our students know. Time and again this gets proven and then ignored. Pay attention people. Other countries have come up with much more valid measures to test a child's achievement.

4. Easily available grants for teachers trying to get resources: I can understand people's fuss about money being wasted. I don't agree with the way money gets pulled from schools that are failing, but I get this want for accountability. How about instead the government offers a website like donorschoose that allows teachers to apply for resources they need to fix their classroom? I just talked to a middle school librarian tonight whose students are going to massacre him because the circulation in the library has doubled but there aren't enough books for the kids to read. That is a person trying to make a difference for good with his hands tied because of the wonderful backwards way our schools get funding.

5. Mandate a larger amount of school funding be state-wide and more of it be nationwide: I know schools have traditionally been locally run, but if we are held responsible to anyone outside of the local than someone outside of the local should be paying up. This one I am particular about since a local referendum failed at my high school. Schools in Illinois are funding by property taxes (many states are this way) since property values are linked to the quality of schools and keep the control city wide. The problem is we have Ethel here on a fixed income who owns some property. If she's on a fixed income she can't pay any more on her property just to keep the property value up- her income is FIXED. Make it an income tax and you are taxing the money people have to be able to give and are more likely to give it. This also closes the gap between the haves and have nots. Just because the city doesn't have a lot of money doesn't mean the students should suffer. It's already hard enough convincing students who live in down and out towns that they should take pride in where they came from.

6. Valid teacher accountability: If you don't perform on any job you get fired. For some reason teaching has gotten exempt from this rule. I get the purpose of this in colleges, so professors can calm down from the cutthroat competition and focus on more important issues, but in high school I should be held accountable for what I'm doing. Things such as evaluations, standards of continuing education, better national requirements are ways of holding teachers accountable. Comparing students' test scores is not.

7. Create more cross-curricular learning: Do you know how many times you have to hear a word before you learn it? I have it written down from some Dressman lecture, but it's a lot. And we want our teaching to be relevant to the students, but how often do you sit down outside of school and say I'm going to do some history and then some english and maybe a little chemistry experiment? We mold all of these into all of these fields. Math people write, and English people do math. Some of the most interesting work is in the fusion of various fields where we can really get to the crux of the problem from multiple angles. (And for the love of god- math and science are not the only fields in the world)

8. Stop trying to fix things in some schools rather than all schools: Sure we can bus a kid to another school, but what about the 1000 kids left at the school who don't want to get bussed because they won't know anyone anywhere else? Charter schools may work and vouchers may be turning around the system in DC, but those aren't solutions for my school that still has students who need to learn.

9. Class size nationally mandated: You want a positive mandate coming at the national level then make the class size a nationally mandated level at 25. I know the research shows that class size doesn't matter past a certain age, but it does matter when you are trying to create universal design and have to worry about 40 kids. 25 allows you personal time with all students. It's for the teachers' sake as much as anything.

10. This one isn't so much a policy change as a mind-set change: Recognizing that every student has the potential to change the world in a positive way, and our teachers have one of the greatest chances of influincing that as long as we can change the idea that education is for wimps and only bad things happen in our schools. (two different sides of the fence there, but equally damning.)

Can I get a "TRUE THAT!"?

and yet, I'll still lie awake staring at the ceiling tonight, feeling unprepared

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TOMORROW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!
...

AAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

my list this work-week:

complete inspection of apartment
buy flowers for classroom
get file folders for world studies classes
get hanging folders for make-up work
return Megan’s modem to Comcast
mail voter registration for me
mail voter registration for Jess
update resume on eportfolio
make an LGBTQA safe zone sign for Sydney
submit a change of address form to the district
submit authorization for direct deposit to the district
take photos of classroom
buy Kasey’s birthday card and gift
get Born Into Brothels from classroom
get folders for ALS classes
attend UHS football fundraiser
make detention slips
get referrals
get hall passes
get overhead
set up school voicemail
get Kleenex
double check fire/disaster exit signs
get and hang up bell schedules
get more desks for classroom
get all IEP meetings on calendar
read and repond to Susan’s syllabus
meet with LT re: teams
set up refocus area in classroom
get a set of headphones
email Greg J re: grading committee
email Angi re: social justice committee
email Carol re: literacy committee
email thanks to LT and Chris C
make and hang a sign with deans names on it
make a computer questions sign
write ALS syllabus and copy it
write WS syllabi and copt them
write Thursday and Friday lesson plans for ALS, world studies and AP world studies
get Obama sign for classroom
make copies of ALS log sheets
get YWCA bumper sticker for clipboard
get endnotes to the print shop
find and plan with ALS teammate
ask Mike about independent reading books
stock shelves with inependent reading options
cite anger management source
email Mike for world studies electronic copy of rubric
talk to Carol about iMovie
sign up for Mac lab
ask Matt about DVDs
ask Greg about getting DVDs
get envelopes for ALS classes’ goal-letters
get inspection form to Weiner
tell Justin about projector
plan recognition of MLK’s “I Have a Dream” anniversary
get looseleaf
write introductory notes
collect lesson materials
get extra folders
get extra journals
one district assembly
two faculty meetings
one department meeting
one meeting with the middle school
check on Hepatitis B vaccination history
get migrant school proof of employment form to district office
look into purchasing URL space
make sure classroom Moodle site is in order
check out Dalkey books for potential grant request
get video cameras for poetry project
call Wendy
call Chris
post to Cross-Country Co-Teach
get McCain sign for classroom
make seating charts
meet with B.D.’s mom
get a copy of the teachers’ contact from Greg C

can'tstopwon'tstop

Something I've learned about myself lately is that I do things really quickly. Call it a compulsion; I have to walk, talk, make decisions, eat, cross things off my necessarily-never-ending to-do list all at break-neck speed. Living by myself all summer has allowed me to be blind to all my weird "things" but my awesome new roommate doesn't let that shit go without remark, and rightly so.

This morning for example, I asked a hotel desk worker for directions to the nearest McDonalds, and could barely stand to wait there while she told me. In my head, I was thinking, frantically, "PLEASESTOPTALKINGPLEASESTOPTALKINGGOTTAGETOUTOFHERE." Not because I was in a rush for any reason, but just because my internal clock was telling me that it was time to be done with the where-is-McDonald's conversation.

And my Mom just told me about a deal on flights to Ireland in the coming months, and I gottabookitnow.

What's up with that? I need to chill. the fuck. OUT.