Dear students,

You’re now well into your second semester, and I hope you feel like you’re getting into your groove. I really wish I could be there with you, and I was really glad to hear that you’re working with A.  She is the coolest.

I want to thank you for your patience with me as I got sick last semester.  For those of you who don’t know, I have depression.  Usually, I can keep it under control by taking medicine and talking to a therapist, but sometimes it flares up into what my doctor calls “a depressive episode.”  Some of you might also have depression, or know someone who does, so you might have some idea of what it is like. 

For me, it’s like… Have you ever been to the dentist and they want to take an x-ray of your teeth?  Well, if not, what they do is put this really heavy vest on you that protects your chest from the x-rays.  (You can ask Mr. S about the science on that…)  When I’m in the middle of a depressive episode, it feels like I’m wearing one of those vests all over my whole body and especially on my brain.  Everything, everything, seems so boring and horrible and hopeless that I just want to cry all the time.  And as some of you know, I did cry all the time.  Finally, after talking about it with my doctor and therapist, my family, and N and R, I decided that I was too sick to be the kind of teacher that you all deserve, and that’s why I left.

R told me that some of you feel as if you might have caused my depression.  That is just not even a little bit true.  You all were so often the only bright spots in my day.  Most every day, one or more of you would say or do something that struck me as so hilarious, so fascinating, or so inspiring that I would think to myself, “Okay, I can do this.  I want to be here with these kids.” 

I’m thinking about that day in 8A/7C when we realized that every play y’all were writing (Well, not A’s and S’s) ended with somebody dying; what a sick sense of humor we must have developed as a community!  I’m thinking about the day when I discovered that R had written “ass” on his table about 7,000 times.  I’m thinking about how pumped up S and T got on that day when we talked about whether or not middle school girls have the right to wear leggings.  I’m thinking about how Y’s crocheting got me to finally learn how to knit.  (I have made so many scarves since I saw you last.)   I’m thinking about the intensity with which 8B/7D reacted to Juror 8’s reasoning when we watched 12 Angry Men.  I’m thinking about how quickly E was moving up reading levels, and about how hard N and K worked at lunch, the sophistication with which M participated in our discussion of school shootings.  I’m thinking about the deep questions D always asked me, the kind and funny notes that P and J would pass me.  T was writing a really cool reinterpretation of “The Three Little Pigs.”  I could go on and on.

I’m spending a lot of time and energy now trying to get better by making a healthy routine.  I’m writing every day, reading every day, running, and making more time to be with friends and family, even if it’s just on FaceTime.  I’m still in San Francisco, and I plan to stay here, so I would love to come visit, maybe tag a long on some of the exciting end-of-the-year stuff.

I would be so happy to stay in touch with y’all.  I think you have my cell phone number (If not: ###-###-####), and my email is ------------@gmail.com.  I would love to be there to listen if you need someone.  We could grab lunch, see a movie, talk about high school plans, whatever.  I had to leave my work because I was too sick to do it well, but one way that I will get better is by spending more time with people I care about, and that’s you brilliant people!

Sending all the best vibes in your direction,

Ms. D