You’re now well into your second semester, and I hope you feel
like you’re getting into your groove. I really wish I could be there with you,
and I was really glad to hear that you’re working with A. She is the coolest.
I want to thank you for your patience with me as I got sick
last semester. For those of you who
don’t know, I have depression. Usually,
I can keep it under control by taking medicine and talking to a therapist, but
sometimes it flares up into what my doctor calls “a depressive episode.” Some of you might also have depression, or
know someone who does, so you might have some idea of what it is like.
For me, it’s like… Have you ever been to the dentist and
they want to take an x-ray of your teeth?
Well, if not, what they do is put this really heavy vest on you that
protects your chest from the x-rays.
(You can ask Mr. S about the science on that…) When I’m in the middle of a depressive
episode, it feels like I’m wearing one of those vests all over my whole body
and especially on my brain. Everything, everything, seems so boring and horrible
and hopeless that I just want to cry all the time. And as some of you know, I did cry all the time. Finally, after talking about it with my
doctor and therapist, my family, and N and R, I decided that I was too
sick to be the kind of teacher that you all deserve, and that’s why I left.
R told me that some of you feel as if you might have
caused my depression. That is just not
even a little bit true. You all were so
often the only bright spots in my day.
Most every day, one or more of you would say or do something that struck
me as so hilarious, so fascinating, or so inspiring that I would think to
myself, “Okay, I can do this. I want to
be here with these kids.”
I’m thinking about that day in 8A/7C when we realized that every play y’all were writing (Well, not
A’s and S’s) ended with somebody dying; what a sick sense of humor
we must have developed as a community!
I’m thinking about the day when I discovered that R had written
“ass” on his table about 7,000 times.
I’m thinking about how pumped up S and T got on that day when we
talked about whether or not middle school girls have the right to wear leggings. I’m thinking about how Y’s crocheting
got me to finally learn how to knit. (I
have made so many scarves since I saw
you last.) I’m thinking about the
intensity with which 8B/7D reacted to Juror 8’s reasoning when we watched 12 Angry Men. I’m thinking about how quickly E was
moving up reading levels, and about how hard N and K worked at lunch,
the sophistication with which M participated in our discussion of school
shootings. I’m thinking about the deep
questions D always asked me, the kind and funny notes that P and
J would pass me. T was
writing a really cool reinterpretation of “The Three Little Pigs.” I could go on and on.
I’m spending a lot of time and energy now trying to get
better by making a healthy routine. I’m
writing every day, reading every day, running, and making more time to be with
friends and family, even if it’s just on FaceTime. I’m still in San Francisco, and I plan to
stay here, so I would love to come visit, maybe tag a long on some of the
exciting end-of-the-year stuff.
I would be so happy to stay in touch with y’all. I think you have my cell phone number (If
not: ###-###-####), and my email is ------------@gmail.com. I would love to be there to listen if you
need someone. We could grab lunch, see a
movie, talk about high school plans, whatever.
I had to leave my work because I was too sick to do it well, but one way
that I will get better is by spending more time with people I care about, and
that’s you brilliant people!
Sending all the best vibes in your direction,
Ms. D
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