wanted:

Kasey, Jess, and I have come to the realization that we really need an intern.

Seeking Unpaid Intern

Job Requirements:

• Male.
• For-profit.
• Single, but not looking AND/OR happily married with a cool wife.
• Not douchey.
• Common decency.

Highly Preferred:

• Not White Liberal.
• Bachelor’s Degree.
• Boring.

Job Decription:

• Make sure the shower is hot.
• Talk to (an unspecified) my mom.
• Check (an unspecified) my ass.
• Talk to boring people.
• Talk to interesting people when they are being boring.
• Get us fondue supplies, salad stuff, and orange juice when we don’t want to.
• Jump Alex’s car AND/OR find Jessica’ s battery.
• Ensure Jordan’s life as necessary.
• Go to Blockbuster, sucka!
• Identify all possible locations where Combos are available for purchase.
• Make Ellen’s copies.

Uniform:

• Snuggie.

*We are equal-opportunity, non-paying employers. But we seriously don't want a female intern because she'd probably just turn into our friend.