waking

I'm in the midst of a meds change, and it's been difficult, but I'm hopeful.

Before, I was sleeping about twelve hours a night, and taking a one or two hour nap every day.  That's a lot of sleep, and that's no way to live.  It's just that it's hard to figure out whether I'm sleeping because I'm depressed or sleeping because I'm being sedated.  The two possibilities don't feel exactly the same, obviously, but the element they share is that the only thing that I want to do is go to bed and stay there.

So far, three weeks into the transition now, I am feeling a change.  The last three mornings, I've woken up way before my alarm at 5:30 feeling not tired.  (I'd forgotten what not tired feels like.)

I've taken a cup of coffee and walked down to the beach.  I'm the only one there except for Kimo, an older (than me) Black guy who does tai chi on the upper deck of the beach house from 5:30 to 8 every morning.

Margaret and Scott brought this back for me from their honeymoon.  Kind and thoughtful people.
I love that I can wrap my hand into the mug.  Stay warm that way.

I haven't brought anything to do -- no music or podcasts or reading or writing.  I'm liking that I just get to sit there, being awake.