Brought to you by first grade me.

a playlist that should be called "sickest, saddest sap in the whole wide world wallowing in self-pity"

I recently scrounged up a new charger for my old laptop.  And it's such a happy thing because now I can access all the music that's on that one.

I laughed the other day when I found my "cheer up" playlist.  I made it four or five years ago, the first time that I had a really intense depressive episode.  It was horrible.  And I listened to "cheer up" so much.  (Sorry, Jess.)  I remember Moe coming to visit and being like, "Why the hell is this called 'cheer up'"?

Whatever, I still like it.

1.  The Mermaid Parade – Phosphorescent (When he says, "Yeah I found a new friend, too, and yeah she's pretty and small, and... goddamnit Amanda, oh godaamnit..," I just feel for him.)

2.  How to Fight Loneliness – Jeff Tweedy

3.  You Are Not Alone – Mavis Staples

4.  Slip Slidin’ Away – Paul Simon ("She said a good day ain't go no rain / she says a bad day's when I lie in bed and think of things that might have been."  Crushing.)

5.  At This Point In My Life – Tracy Chapman

6.  Cocoon – Jack Johnson (You know, what?  Just lovely.)

7.  Forgive Them Father – Lauryn Hill

8.  Skinny Love – Bon Iver

9.  Power of the Gospel – Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals (The intro times a million.)

10.  Torn - Natalie Imbruglia (Don't even care.)

11.  Night Falls On Hoboken – Yo La Tengo (I even used this one for a mini-lesson on quoting song lyrics in an essay.)

12.  I Get Along Without You Very Well – Nina Simone

13.  I’ll Fly Away – Alison Kraus and Gillian Welch

14.  I Remember You – Steve Earle and Emmy Lou Harris

15.  Either Way – Wilco
16.  Angel From Montgomery – Susan Tedechi (So good: "How the hell can a person go to work in the morning / and come home in the evening and have nothing to say?")

SF is invading my style.

sometimes, the group bursts into applause when they make the decision

All anxious, self-deprecating humor aside, I really love my part-time job at this bridal shop.

I love it because I love listening to people talk about their style and/or observing people’s style choices and wondering about how they came to them.  I could wonder about that shit all day.  (I once wrote a paper about how exactly the literature on popular culture helps to explain the visceral joy I get from reading amateur fashion blogs.  My professor told me it was “moving,” and I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud.)

I also really like weddings.  For real, I think most of the dresses we sell are heinously expensive and actually just kinda nasty, and I think that if I got a closer look at more of the wedding industry, I’d be even a little more queasy about all that.  (I tried on one of the dresses the other day, and besides the out-of-body weirdness of it, I was struck by how seriously difficult it was to walk in it.  Always with the constriction of women’s bodies…).  But weddings.  I love the idea of blurring the public and the intimate, of standing there, bolstered by the support of all of the people who have made you who you are, and saying, “Okay, let’s make your people my people.”  It’s beautiful. 

Plus, this place is all women all the time.  I love working in all-women contexts.  So much.  I really feel like there’s an unspoken solidarity all up in there.  Maybe I’m just sentimental (I am.).  Women (the other staff all call them “brides,” but that gives me the willies a little bit) come in with their mothers, their sisters, their grandmothers, their in-laws, their friends, their cousins.  It’s fascinating, and sort of an honor really, to get to stand so close to those relationships as they work through this particular style decision, laden as it is with sentiment and body image stuff and $$$ concerns.  I keep thinking that I should write about this part of the job, getting into the gorgeous little details that make up the wide range of relating that I get to see.  But I suppose it’s not very nice to write about strangers without their permission.

My biceps are sore from lifting wedding dresses.